Rainbow Facebook – Lions and Tigers and Bears, oh my!


The above picture is of a rainbow over what made me think is a burning bush. It’s kind of appropriate and on-topic for what is set out below.

I just saw a post on my favourite opera singer’s Facebook page Jacqui Dark (you should all check out her singing every time she performs). Anyhow she is banging on about homosexuals being in the sunlight and their rainbow marriage rights being a good thing. It seems people have been posting things saying how she is essentially a bigoted and ignorant idiot.

First of all, that is clearly wrong – she is not a soprano.

Second of all, The Book of Genesis’ prohibition on homosexuality (which is one of the major complaints hurled at Jacqui) comes, ostensibly, from the story of the little old town of Sodom which was divinely bulldozed (presumably to make way for a highway of some sort). So it goes that divine condemnation of the town called “Sodom” shows god has somewhat of a dim view of the love that dare not speak it’s name. Well, even a casual reading of the chapter reveals a shocking development. It’s actually about how two angels popped into Sodom for a visit (I won’t ask why…) and every man in Sodom turned up to, I kid you not, sexually assault them (check your translations). So, not unexpectedly God took a dim view of that and decided to bulldoze said town.

We can gather from that a few things:

1. God has an OH&S responsibility to look after his employees.

2. Clearly Heaven has some sort of Policy about sexual harassment of angels, and it includes some pretty severe grievance procedures.

3. God didn’t bulldoze Sodom because of the gays. He bulldozed the joint because it was a town full of raping criminals.

Now, there is a fourth point that might not be self-evident from the above. Namely – even if we assume that the “rainbow plague” makes up for as much as 10% of the population (even back in the biblical times when gays must not have existed because the Earth was good and dinosaurs didn’t exist) then the overwhelming population of Sodom was not punished for being gay because they weren’t. They were punished for being criminals. That is 90% of the town was heterosexual.

And the point of the story – criminals have been criminals at every epoch of the civilised world. Changing the story from criminals to “gays” is really the same as calling a Soprano a Tenor. As everyone knows, the only thing those two share in common is an awkward lack of useful stage-presence.

Oh, the other lesson is – don’t have sex with angels. That’s bad. Career-breaking move.

Finally, I would like to, for the record, note that Jacqui Dark is perfect in every way and I wouldn’t be surprised at all if, once the curtain falls on her final performance in the great opera of her life, she is cast in the celestial choir as a fully-tenured angel herself. Presumably she can then make appearances all over the universe bringing the good news of decency, love, abiding peace and dignity to every corner of creation (or the big-bang-consequenceism – whatever takes your fancy).

I should probably say a little something about attacking people because of what is contained in the Bible. It is rarely (if ever) a satisfactory argument to say something is so because I read it in a book (assuming such people have actually read it in the book in question). Saying that is a little like saying Iron Man saved New York because, well, I saw it on TV. And we all know, not everything you see on TV is true. – We all know that right?

Finally, one last Biblical quote from the best hippy of them all: “there is only one commandment: love one another”.

Clearly, Jesus was a ‪#‎barihunk‬. And helpfully concise. ‪#‎notWagner‬.

Aaron Kernaghan