The Awful Truth

r0amo

Today the world is confronted by drama, real drama. But the truth of the matter… we MUST have a Royal Commission into just why the South African Accent is so annoying.

That isn’t to say we are in favor of abandoning the South African accent. It is the national pride, apparently, of some people and a point of distinction for others (we don’t know any of them of course). Everyone is entitled to their own accent. Even Australian’s have one – English and Bogan.

We just want to have a serious, judicial look at what it is that makes the South African accent so special. So particular. What gives it its sense of… well… you know.

Not that we encourage anyone to be mean.

But the awful shameful truth is, no-one will iffa furgit the sinds cimming frim the tee-vee during the Iskar Pissed-orious trial. That prosecutor has a lot to answer for…

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BREAKING NEWS: SHOCKING NEW SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE APPOINTED

New Speaker of the House

In an announcement certain to cause disquiet among the hallowed halls of Canberra politics, Australian Prime Minister has sought to distance himself from his own party and recent woes with Bronwyn Bishop by appointing the first independent, non political Speaker of the House.

Humphrey B Bear has been synonymous with keeping children quiet throughout daytime television for years. A major centrepiece in children’s television in Australia, Humphrey (who identifies as a trans-species person) has worked tirelessly since his retirement from children’s TV promoting his favourite cause – mute disabilities. He himself has managed to maintain an extraordinary career on television, that most visual of mediums, while being entirely mute. Reknown for his ability to communicate through a series of hand-on-mouth expressions (that variously mean happy, sad, shocked, optimistic, yes, no or other states of assertiveness), Humphrey has been one of the leaders of reform for mute-persons in Australia.

In a press release, issued from the office of B Bear, Humphrey had this to say:
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The Prime Minister welcomed that sentiment and noted that,

   “Humphrey’s ability to deliver a level of dignity and decorum to the chamber will be a useful tool. No one is going to question a ruling issued from the hand of a mute person wearing no pants and who is very furry.”

Humphrey will take up his position in the new session of parliament and is expected to mark the occasion by changing his traditional plaid vest. It is unknown whether or not Humphrey will finally dispel years of rumours by confirming whether or not he does, in fact, identify as gay or if there is a Mrs B Bear waiting in the corner.

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Humphrey depicted above during less happy times – during his infamous 2004
battle with alcoholism and Crystal Meth.